She loved painting ceramics, cats, and dogs...

So here's the thing... I think about death too much. Always have. I never thought I'd make it to the age of 30. I think that the idea of dying young makes life livable sometimes. Probably just the result of reading too many VC Andrews novels in my teens though.

30 came and went. 40 hit hard. I surrounded myself with friends and family and celebrated the milestone but inside I was still sad. The day before my 40th, my cousin's daughter died from an asthma attack. She was only 21. I felt sad for Debbie and for Jessica's daughter who would have to grow up without her sweet mama. And I felt sad for me for not being able to share my 40th birthday with my own mom.

I talked to my dad about death recently. My dad has lung cancer and we're waiting to see how this last round of chemo went. When we talked about death however, we discussed mine...not his. I told him that I had planned my funeral and he told me that if I were to go before him he would assure me that my plans were NOT carried out. LOL

Months ago I recorded myself singing Dust in the Wind on MySpace Karaoke because I want it played at my funeral over a powerpoint of pictures from my life. He said that was a no-go. He said that it would be too sad for people to have to listen to me singing after I was gone....and a little creepy. I pointed out that I was fine with that because I want people to miss me but realize that I'll always be with them. He didn't care. He said that if something were to happen me today I would have the most traditional funeral ever. One more reason to live I guess.

I asked Val what she is going to say when it's time for my eulogy. What stories will she tell about me to celebrate my life. At the risk of ruining it for my big day, this is what she came up with:

"I'd tell about you being a true blue friend - the kind that lets you run wild
in the class room while she's doing her ventriloquist show and not rat
you out to the teacher. The kind that will take the heat
because you're too chicken to fess up to your mother. The kind that
housesits while you go to your father's funeral. The kind that creates and
maintains a website so the world can know how your daughter is doing.
I'd tell about you wearing ugly ties and drawing on white sneakers
and eating watermelon and only corn and before school runs to the Sing
store. And the word we had in Ba for being able to turn on the hot
water in the bathtub with your toes. "

I gotta tell you...those were some awesome words and I shed a few tears when I read them! Val is the best speaker I know and I know she won't let me down when it comes time to lead the round of "remember when" stories on the big day.

Okay so let's get down to brass tacks. What DO I want to happen that day? It's probably morbid to discuss all this but frankly I think that "proper planning prevents poor performance" is never more important than on the day of your funeral. I don't want my kids to have to stress out over details. I want them to be able to enjoy the celebration.

I want the aforementioned music played at my funeral. If for some reason MySpace Karaoke is down I want either the Still Magnolias or Jon Lowery and Tom Eavenson to play guitar and sing for y'all. PLEASE spare everyone the organ music! Nothing sounds creepier to me than "Lady Marmalade" played over a loud speaker on an organ. LOL

Pictures abound. There are no excuses for anyone to not have good pics of me to share during the big show. I've been through too many experiences (okay 2) where we spent good grieving time looking for pictures for the funeral home to scan. Mine are already digital. Bonus.

I want to be cremated for a few different reasons. First of all I really hate the idea of the guilt that people feel when they can't get to the cemetery to visit a grave. Or worse, the panicky feeling that hits when you get to the cemetery and realize that you can't immediately pick it out of the masses. I'd rather my family think about me being a part of the earth somewhere than to stress over putting flowers out for me once or twice a year.

The other reason I want to be cremated....and I know this will never fly so it's going to take some diversion creation by Niki and Jo probably....is that I want my ashes shared by my loved ones. I don't care if you have to divvy me up in the parking lot after the ceremony. I want everyone to get a piece of me and do things that I never would have done.

Adam is going to take me on a roller coaster and scatter me there after a ride. Beth will take me to the ocean and let me loose on the waves (where I can assure you some shark will be waiting to gobble up my remains). Jamie will take me to Mardi Gras and let the good times roll right over me. And if it were to happen anytime soon...someone needs to make sure I make it to graduation on Sept. 12th.

I want lots of laughter and storytelling. I've been entertaining y'all for years and I don't want it to stop just because I'm not around anymore. Tell about the stupid things we used to do and the way I made you laugh until you peed your pants.

Promise to make sure that when my kids are old enough to hear the stories, that you'll tell them that I wasn't just a mom but that I was a person who loved them not just because I gave birth to them. And PLEASE remind them where they were born. I swear that if one more of them mentions being born in a hospital I'm going to holler. LOL

Let there be food. LOTS of food. But don't take it to the house where the kids have to deal with it. Get a pavillion somewhere and set up tables and grill some meat. I hear that Keith Edgar is the man to call for that. Find him on my Facebook page. And there has to be devilled eggs made with sour pickles...not sweet. And chocolate cake.

You might be wondering why I titled this blog "She loved painting ceramics, cats, and dogs..." I was reading the obituaries this morning (per usual) and this line struck me as funny. I mean...this woman probably didn't paint cats OR dogs but this sentence reads that way right? Make sure that my obit is free of typos and glaring grammatical errors. I'm not prewriting it (surprised?) so I trust you guys to make it entertaining.

Please don't freak out and think I'm planning my death or anything because I wrote this blog. I'm just a planner and I like to have my memorable events taken care of way in advance. It's how I cope with all the uncertainties in life.

Please make sure that there are no screechy singers and that the chocolate cake is nice and gooey. I'll be watching you know....

Giving Birth Again

If you know me at all you know two things about me:


I'm passionate about childbirth.


I'm a procrastinator.


Here's my thought for the day...There's a reason that we are pregnant for so long. It takes time for the baby to mature and to get to a place where it can live on it's own. It starts out small and we nurture it as it grows and gets bigger and becomes a fully functional human being. That's the easy part though. While we're pregnant the baby is our's to bear. No one else can do anything to make it turn out the way it's supposed to so we have full responsibility.


As soon as we give birth though....we have to share. We can't do it alone no matter how hard we try or like to think we'll be able. After the baby is a fully formed entity we have to trust that we've chosen the right people to help us help this baby realize it's full potential. And I gotta tell you... that's a SCARY thought for a mom!


So here I sit listening to 80 YouTube clips in a row of Jason Mraz. (Yeah I'm a little obsessed. He's TALENTED though!) I'm sitting here listening to this playlist and writing this blog and avoiding what I should actually be doing. I'm supposed to be working on this paper for school that is the fourth part of my plan/proposal for a new business.


The problem with writing this paper is that the closer I get to being done with this paper, the more I get written down about this business, the more real it becomes. Frankly that kind of scares me. Having it inside and thinking about it is one thing. Actually doing it is a completely different story.


The comparison to childbirth is a very real one. I'm afraid that once I put this down on paper that I will fail this child that I've nurtured inside for so long. What if my procrastination can't overcome my passion? What if I can't make others understand how this is more than just a business to me?


I've had this business in my head...and my heart...for at least 12 years. It's in my blood and all part of the bigger plan of eventually becoming a midwife. I can't let it down. Much like I want my children to succeed and grow and become all that they can be, I want this business to grow and prosper and touch people's lives. Monetary gain is essential of course but also I need for this business to make a difference.


So I think it's time to start working on the paper. I feel some contractions coming. I've got my relaxing music on. I'm breathing...in through the nose...out through the mouth. No matter how many times you give birth though there's always some pain but the hard work is SO worth it. Hopefully giving birth to this paper...and eventually this business...will be just as rewarding.

Thoughts on Palm Sunday

Today started out much like any other Sunday. My ex yelled at me and told me that I was indoctrinating the kids into a cult. Of course that's not the case. I'm pretty sure he doesn't believe it's an actual cult as much as he's just aggravated about me wanting to take the truck. In any instance, we are going to MyChurch and do feel like we've found a home there.

Anyway, this morning we took communion. It was Justin's first time and I was trying to figure out how to explain it to him. We already read the story of how Jesus fed 5000 people so I knew he'd relate the bread part to that story. As we dipped the bread in the grape juice and took our seats I put my hand on Justin's knee and thanked God for letting me have such great kids and for giving me His kid.

Then it occurred to me... God gave us his KID. When Jesus was born he was just a baby. We read about that. (Yeah.... Jeff gave us homework to read the gospels last week, and since I have no JOB I did it.) We read about Jesus hanging out with the disciples and going from town to town. I get that part too. I understand that He came to earth to teach us about God and died to pay the price because we'd never be able to.

When I became a Christian I was in high school. I had just started driving when I took the plunge. It would be a few more years before I became a parent. The concept of parenting was still very foreign to me. Four kids later though... I'd do anything for these kids. I would take a bullet for each and every one of them. I love them more than life itself.

So I got to thinking as I sat there in church with my 8 year old son. Justin is an angel to me. Yeah he tests my patience on the daily. Yeah he can be willful and disobedient. But I still love him. And I got to thinking about Jesus and what He must have been like when He was 8. And 13. And 14. And 22. What must it have been like for God to watch Jesus grow up? How much pleasure did it give Him to see Jesus learn to walk, and talk, and make friends, and learn about life?

I'm pretty sure God feels the same way about Jesus that I do about my kids. He IS the only begotten Son and all. God loves His Son at least as much as I love my kids. Yet He sent Him here to DIE. Death!! Do you comprehend that?? That means that God loves US SO MUCH that He was willing to sacrifice His OWN KID for US!! That's fairly heavy stuff.

If God loves us so much that He's willing to let His Son die on a cross for us... what is there possibly on this earth that you or I could say no to if He asked it of us? What bigger sacrifice can you imagine than the life of one of your kids? Your ONLY kid? If you're reading this and you're a parent you have to understand one thing...God loves you. A LOT.

I'll leave you with that to think about.

P.S. Next Sunday is Easter Sunday. That means a few things... There will be more people in church than usual so go early if you can. We're having a full breakfast at the 8AM service and I'd LOVE to have more of my friends there! It also means that the Easter Bunny is coming. Don't be like me and wait til the last minute to remember that! Oh and it also means that I can go back to using Facebook every day! (I'm happy to report however, that I haven't missed it as much as I thought I would!!)

The Notebook...Computer

I was talking to Niki last night and we were discussing how some people are concerned with the quantity of pictures of ourselves that we have amassed. Seems like some people think that it's because we suffer from low self esteem or have no self respect because we share pictures of each other with friends.

Well of course my first response was... Why does it matter to you? What effect does my having a lot of pictures of myself have on your life? It must be nice to have your life so well organized and taken care of that little things like how many pictures another person sends out can affect your mood. I mean... one must be pretty together and have very little to worry about if I'm on their radar right?

Then I thought... Wait a minute. Don't people with low self esteem hide from pictures? I post them because I think they look good, not because I think I'm ugly or fat or whatever. I think that I probably have a little too much self esteem if anything. LOL I certainly have more than the average person. WAY more than people my size usually do!

I've always said that this picture thing started when I realized I was turning 40. I never thought I'd get this old. Seriously. I didn't think I'd make 30 either though so... But right before I turned 40 I got to thinking that I'd better take some pictures so I can remember what I looked like when I wasn't old. (Because 40 is old! LOL)

So then...when I started taking the pictures with the phone and figured out how to get them on the computer, taking them all the time became second nature. If I'm having a good hair day or have done something with my makeup that I want to remember...I'll take a picture. Or if I'm having a good time and want to remember it forever...I'll take a picture.

The reason the pics are of me and not of everything around me is twofold. One is because it's a phone people. It doesn't take good pictures from farther away than an arms length. It's not even a GOOD phone like Jo's! You get what you get with phone pics. And since I was raised at Olan Mills, my head automatically cocks a little to the side and tilts forward whenever I see a camera. And the other reason is that because with all the crap I've been through, I need to be able to look back and say "See? You CAN be happy! You DO know how!"

So anyway...I said to Niki "When I am older and more demented than I am now, will you bring my laptop and show me pictures every day to try and remind me that I used to be your friend?" I told her that every day she can bring the pictures and read me the emails and tell me about this girl who loved being around people and who liked to laugh and smile. And when it finally dawns on me that this girl she's talking about is me I will throw my hands up in the air and shout "Woo Hoo!!" because I will have remembered that deep down I am a "Woo Hoo Girl!"
I think I should get cardio points for how long we laughed about it. Definitely worth 10 crunches because my stomach was aching from the laughter. But it felt good. I wouldn't trade it for the world. In fact... If I hadn't been on the phone with her? I'd have taken a picture of it.

So tell me? What are you doing to remember this time in your life? Edie Brickell sang it "Good times bad times give me some of that" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ8muQ0PMJU

Live a little. And take some pictures. I want to see!

Saying goodbye to the past...

I can't believe AOL is closing down the member pages. I mean... I CAN believe it because without paid members providing a revenue stream there's nobody paying for all those sites to be out there. Still though, it's SAD to me that all those sites are going away. For a lot of us, those were our first attempts at web publishing.

It is interesting to look back at what I had on my AOL space. If you get to this before they take it down you can see for yourself (http://hometown.aol.com/KWilson318/index.htm). It was done with a template in Front Page that makes me cringe still. LOL But the content is there and that's why people have been complimentary about it for so long.

I checked the file manager while I was copying it all to a Word document for archiving. April 2001. Justin was a baby. We lived in Pine Mountain. September 11 hadn't happened yet. That was the day before Daren's 40th birthday. It was the day our golden retriever, Jack, got hit by a car on HWY 27. (Jack survived another few years and was fine even without the surgery they told us he would need.)

Most of the information had been assembled before on a different site that I had posted. This was just the first place that I had it all together. I was inspired to work on it while I worked on a site we did for one of our Loopies who was dealing with the first anniversary of the birth and death of her daughter. It was a site that chronicled the making of a quilt that the 20 or so of us had created and sent to Lisa.

Looking back at this site makes me remember how much I love being around birth and babies and pregnancy. A friend recently commented that "Kim gives good midwife by phone." Truth be told it was through text messages. LOL But I DO love helping people with their pregnancies and their births. I miss being around pregnant women. I miss labor.

So the question now is...what do I do about it? The ultimate goal of course is to become a certified professional midwife (CPM). Fat lot of good it will do to attain that in the state of Georgia right now because of our archaic practices here. See...the thing is...while it is legal to have your baby at home if you want to, it's still not totally legal to have a qualified attendant. Crazy right? We have to DO something about it.

The Department of Public Health’s Midwifery Task Force is meeting to determine whether or not the state should once again license direct entry midwives (most of whom are now CPMs) since the law states that a licensed midwife can practice even though they stopped handing out licenses in the early 70s. Again...crazy.

But whatever... I can't realistically drop everything in my life right now and start studying midwifery anyway. I have to pay my bills and finish school and get my kids raised. Maybe when Justin is older and I get married or hit the lottery...then I can go back to doing what it is I really love.

For now though...just be nice to me when I start asking questions about your birth or your plans for birth. I promise I'm not judging you for doing things your way. I'm trying to be helpful. And if you have any questions...I really WILL find the answers if I don't already know them.

Running on faith...

Okay how long have you known me? If you've known me a LONG time you probably know that I did the whole...go to church and get baptized thing...when I was in high school. And then I had Kevan and pretty much gave up on the church. Some people were not so nice. When I married Daren...a confirmed agnostic who used to be an atheist so at least we're making progress...I pretty much walked away from it all.

I've always pretty much kept whatever I was feeling to myself. I'm a big believer in everyone's beliefs being valid for the most part. And I've never felt compelled to tell someone that they were going to hell because they believed something different from me. (Except maybe for Mormons but that's a whole other blog...)

When my mom died and people came up to me and harassed me (okay it felt like harassment at the time okay?) about not having my kids in church, I pretty much drew the line in the sand and convinced everyone that I was NOT a Christian anymore. I was hurting though and just wanted to be left alone about it.

The thing is, no matter what I've ever said to anyone or done or whatever; even though I've gone through some periods of doubt...I've never stopped believing. I felt like I needed to keep my mouth shut about it for a long time because of my marriage (maybe that's why it didn't work?) because I felt persecuted if I even mentioned it.

Reading the Christopher Moore book "Lamb" and then reading "The DaVinci Code" didn't make me question whether or not God and Jesus were real the way some right-wingers thought those books would. What they did for me was to solidify in my mind what my heart was already telling me...that Jesus was a real guy and he had this life that he gave up for what he believed. I'm not opposed to the idea of him having a kid or a wife or a best friend named Biff. Those things don't make me pull away...they make me want to be closer to him. If he was this perfect creature then it was no biggie for him to give it all up. But if he had this cool life with friends and a wife and a kid, the sacrifice was bigger. I can appreciate it all the more.

Okay. So let's get this out there once and for all. I am a Christian. That's gonna be a shock to some people. I feel the need to say it. I know I don't walk the walk OR talk the talk. I need to do a better job but basically, I'm a good person. I don't lie, cheat, steal. or tolerate those who do. (Okay so that's from the honor code I signed as a Freshman at Converse but it still applies) I've never killed anyone. I'm pretty sure I'm guilty of some gluttony and adultery now and then. But I'm pretty clean on the big 10 and the seven deadly for the most part.

The last few months have really tested me. I'm a firm believer in the concept of everything happens for a reason and when it's supposed to. What I don't usually add to that for fear of offending people (and yeah...I'm not gonna change on this one) is that I believe that stuff happens because it's part of a bigger plan that I have no control over.

That's not to say that we should just sit on our asses and not do anything and just wait for God to put us where he wants us. I do think that when he doesn't like the way things are going....those things will change. I've seen evidence of this a LOT in the last few months.

Some examples... MOST people don't know this but when I first started working at St. Francis, I had a really hard time going on the nursing floors. For MONTHS I couldn't go on the floors without getting upset. I had spent so much time up there when my mom was sick...before hospice...that I freaked out whenever I went into a room that I could picture her in.

Another thing to note is that my dad has worked at St. Francis for about 10 years longer than me. Everyone knows him. Everyone loves him. The reason this is important is because when I lost my job I thought my world was pretty much coming to an end but two days later we found out my dad has lung cancer and I felt this peace that I can't explain. As distressed as I was about not having a job...I was that much happier that I didn't have to be in that place where my dad is always just around the corner. Even though he's still here and still doing chemo and still fighting the good fight...he's not THERE. And to have to face that every day...and all those people who probably mean well but who would be constantly on me about it... Well that was just about the biggest blessing I can imagine.

So then I lost my house. And a good portion of all of my stuff. Mostly that was a freak out until I realized that I just had too much STUFF. And it's just stuff anyway you know? I had ample time. I didn't lose anything this time that I will wake up having nightmares about missing like I have in the past. I would have kept trying to hold on to that house and all that stuff and God knew that it was pointless. That eviction was a blessing.

Well you know by now that I have moved in with my ex husband. How in the hell is THAT a blessing??? LOL Well... I'm spending time with my kids. They didn't have to spend the summer unsupervised. I was able to get Kirin to cheer practice. We were able to be the house where the neighborhood kids hung out for a couple of months. Daren worked all day everyday so we had kids over for Xbox games most of the time. My kids got to make friends and now they're a part of this neighborhood. They've never had that. If I hadn't been here they wouldn't have gotten to do that. Blessed.

I really fell hard for someone. I made the mistake of being honest about it and I think I scared the hell out of him. For whatever reason...and I'm not questioning it...things never worked out for me to go see him. Good thing. Cause the Saturn would NOT have made it. All those trips to Savannah and the trip to Destin and the car did great. But driving across town to see someone that I honestly (in hindsight of course) had no business going to see...and the car just died. I'm sure God had a point that day but...I'm not perfect...I went anyway and had a couple of stiff drinks to boot. The blessing in all this is that Mark acted the way he did and I didn't get stranded somewhere between here and Suwannee. (Still waiting to see what the blessing in not having a car is! LOL)

All these jobs interviews and talks with recruiters and resumes submitted... and NOTHING. The thing with TSYS would have been a great job but I would have been away from the kids a lot. Then Daren lost his job too and we agreed that whichever one of us gets a job out of town would help keep things going back here so the kids don't have to be moved. He basically said to me..."If I get a job out of town, will you please stay here in the house with the kids and let me pay the bills? You can get a part time job to cover your expenses but I'll pay the rent and utilities and pay for the food...I'm just tired of moving them around."

I agreed of course. Seems like a blessing. I can finish school and get my MBA knocked out and get back on my feet. Just have to find Daren a job somewhere that will pay him what he's worth. I had to just have a talk with God and let him know that I was being as patient as I know how but....you know....could we maybe get the show on the road?

Last night in class I pretty much broke down on break and three of the most beautiful...wonderful...loving...caring...women I've ever had the pleasure to know... They talked to me. They told me to stop being negative. They told me that it will happen. They told me to be open to God's plan. I tried to explain that I'm not a generally negative person but that I'm just about at the bottom of what I can handle and that the only thing that is keeping me going is knowing that my dad is still around.

This morning I called Manpower about the job that I talked to them about last week. For some reason (blessing?) the background check still hasn't come through. I asked her what else she has. She told me that she had two positions but that they both paid about 2/3 of what I was looking for and that one of them was only part time. I asked where they were and one was in South Columbus and the other was only a couple of miles away. Of course the part time one was closer. She asked me if I could interview at 10:30. I looked at the clock and it was 9:15. I told her I'd be there.

She called me back with the address and the name of the person doing the interview. I googled the organization and was pretty much skeptical and dumbfounded at the same time. (Don't worry...I'll link you at the end) This small, non-profit, Columbus, GA based organization is the support for this very large system of homes in India and Africa for widows and children.
I got to the interview and all the rules for interviewing went out the window. The woman talking to me asked me a question about St. Francis and I pretty much lost it and told her that I felt I was taken out of that situation for a reason. I got all teary eyed. Then she told me how she wound up there. We BOTH got teary eyed then. When she told me that the person who is vacating this position is her sister and told me why she was leaving...I pretty much couldn't contain myself.

We talked about the organization and what needed to be done. We talked about the strategic plan, the marketing, the need for globalization of the donor base...We talked about what we could do to fix things that just aren't working. Oh and did I mention that I just spent all this time in class studying about globalization and specifically in the issues concerned with moving into India???

Then we kinda remembered that I was interviewing for a job as a data entry person. LOL She asked me about my typing skills. I told her they're pretty good. I self correct and that slows me down but my accuracy is through the roof!

And then she asked me where I go to church. I told her I'm a member of record at Fairview Baptist but that to be honest I don't attend services. I told her that I had to be honest and that I don't believe that there is any point in telling other people that they're going to hell. She informed me that they have Bible study every morning from 8:30 to 9 and then they have chapel. They also pretty much insist that all employees be a part of this. She told me that they have one employee in India who is Hindu but that they all pray for her really hard.

I left there thinking that there is no way in hell these people are going to want me around. I'm pretty much a heathen most of the time. I argue about most of the things I read in the Bible. I'm not a quiet, unassuming, chapel-attending kinda girl. That being said... I think there is a place for me in their organization. Even if it's for a short time. I called Manpower and told her all this and she apologized for not giving me a heads up on the situation prior to sending me in but that it all happened so fast...

Then she called me back. Terry really liked me. She thinks that my strong personality will keep me from getting run over by the other women in the office. They want me to do a skills assessment. They're going to email it to me and I'll do it and send it back or whatever. My skills are fine. (There are those who say I have mad skills! LOL)

Jenny from Manpower asked me if I was going to be okay going there. I told her that it actually works for me. The hours are 8:30 to 1:30 so I'd be done in time to get home before the kids. No long afternoons. No late nights. No people who don't understand why my kids are the most important thing. Plenty of time to get my homework done.

Plus here's the thing... I feel like all this other stuff that has been breaking me down... I feel like I'm supposed to be there. Does that make sense? I feel like this is what I need for ME right now and that I can make a difference for these people too. If something happened to daddy I feel like this is the kind of environment I need to be in. Not like at St. Francis where I felt the need to finish the daily report before I could go to be with Debbie and everyone when Aunt Dot died. I think these people would be more supportive than that.

So anyway... I guess I'm just trying to explain what I've been going through. I know this is probably a huge shock to some people. Most folks probably think that I'm just the vapid, shallow person... LOL I really do have a lot of stuff going on inside. I'm just good at hiding it.

Oh! And the website is http://www.hopegivers.org/ Who knew this existed in Columbus, GA???

Friday Night Lights

I've been to a lot of high school football games in my day. When I went to Shaw I went to nearly every home game for four years. When I wasn't at a Shaw game, I was at a Smithstation game watching my cousin. Since graduation I've been back for a few homecoming games and I've spent a lot of time down in the end zone with GB while he was paid to keep the peace. I even went to a JV game or two with Kevan when Northside first started playing.

Nothing...none of it...prepared me for tonight. Kirin made varsity cheerleader her first time out as a freshman. We've been really excited about it for a few months but up til now it's just been lots of practice and theory. We didn't know how things were really going to be.

What we did know is that Shaw has one of the best programs in the state. Two years ago they were state champs. Last year the only team we lost to in the regular season was Carver...the eventual state champs. We know that Shaw has a good, strong squad. We also know that Carver lost last week to Central in Phenix City....and that we had to play Central for our season opener.

Kirin had dinner with the squad at Ruby Tuesday and we picked her up in time to take her to the game. Daren, Kirin, the boys, and I got to the stadium at 6:45 for an 8:00 kickoff. It was hot and sunny and I just KNEW it was going to be a bad time. At first there was grumbling about it being hot and us having to wait so long for the game to start.

Then the sun went down. The stands filled with loyal fans, proud parents, and teenagers who just wanted to be seen. The band, what there was of them, marched in loudly playing cadence on the drums. The flag girls were in perfect formation and properly regimented. Central's band took the field to play the National Anthem and we stood to honor the flag...most of us anyway.

The kickoff was a little shaky and Shaw took possession with pretty good field position. It only took a couple of plays though and a Raider broke loose and ran in for our first touchdown of the night. The band started the fight song, the cheerleaders danced, and the parents yelled. There was a penalty on the extra point and on the second attempt they failed to get it through the uprights.

Shaw 6 -- Central 0

It didn't take long for Central to even the score. They unsucessfully attempted a two point conversion and the score was tied at 6 all.

Shaw 6 -- Central 6

Shaw couldn't be kept down. We ran the ball back in for another touchdown and this time went for two to make up for losing the extra point before. Shaw intercepted the ball and scored again. It went on like this until half time when Shaw was up by a couple of TDs.

Shaw 26 -- Central 14

The third quarter was fairly slow. But with five minutes left in the fourth quarter, the game took off like a lighting bolt. Central scored again to bring them within 5 points.

Shaw 32 -- Central 27

Central kicked off to Shaw with a little over 2 minutes on the clock. We knew we had to score or run the clock out. The kickoff went deep into the end zone so we took possession at our 20 yard line. We weren't making any forward progress and on the 3rd down, the quarterback dropped back to pass and was sacked for a loss of several yards.

We had no choice but to punt. Our only hope was to keep them out of the end zone until the clock ran out. Less than two minutes to go. We held them on the first couple of plays but they kept charging. The clock was running down and they kept getting first downs.

With about 90 seconds on the clock they ran the ball in for a touchdown. Central's crowd went wild. Shaw's fans saw the flag though. We yelled and hollered as the referree marked off the 15 yard penalty. They had to go 20 yards in a minute and a half to beat us.

Shaw's crowd was louder than I can ever remember hearing them. The cheerleaders were doing their very best. Even the football players on the sidelines were encouraging the crowd to get on their feet.

First play we held them. Second play we held them again. Third play they got through and made it to the 11 yard line and a first down. First down they made it 2 yards to the nine. Second down we held them back. Third down they made it a little closer.

Fourth down. 45 seconds on the clock. They were on the 1 yard line. We did our best but they made it over the line by inches. Central scored. Shaw was in shock but managed to deny Central the two point conversion.

Shaw 32 -- Central 33

We now had 39 seconds in which to move the ball down the field for at least a field goal to defeat our first team of the season. The team who...just last week...beat our rivals 27 - 14 in an unofficial preseason game. The crowd was so full of hope and enthusiasm that even Daren was on his feet and couldn't sit down.

First attempt at a pass was complete for a 10 yard gain and a first down, but the player failed to get the ball out of bounds so the clock was still running. Next was a run but only for a few yards. The next pass was incomplete but the clock stopped with 10 seconds to go.

The play started, our quarterback dropped back for a bomb and sent it sailing to his receiver who appeared to be fairly open. A player from Central hit him from the right so hard that he lost his helmet and missed the catch. The clock ran out. We lost the game.

Final Score

Shaw 32 -- Central 33

It was, without a doubt, the best night of high school football that I have ever watched. It was even better than the night Dan Kosobucki kicked the field goal in over time that put Hardaway on top of Shaw and made Danny Little cry.

I wasn't prepared for the pride I would feel while watching my daughter cheer...and Michael Ryan run...and the band play the fight song. I was a little overwhelmed by the emotion that I felt every time they scored a touchdown. I was unprepared for the love I felt for Kevan and Tiel for their coming to watch Kirin and the way that Kevan got along with the boys...and even Daren...to watch the game. I was REALLY unprepared for the joy I felt when Daren was explaining the game to James, who may still decide to play next year.

Tomorrow UGA plays Ga Southern. It'll be bigger boys, with more polish, and more on the line. It'll mean hearing the Redcoat band play Glory every time GA gets across the line. We'll get to see the new UGA for the first time.

But it won't be like tonight. Tonight was about heart. Tonight I was proud, once again, to be a Raider.