Role Models

Role models. You know what they are. We all have our ideals of the people we would like to be. Sports figures. Celebrities. Religious icons.

Whose role model are you, though? I figured out last summer that people pay attention to what we say and do...and that they remember. During the class reunion planning I heard from people over and over that they remembered stuff that I had NO recollection of saying or doing. Luckily for me, they weren't bad things. Apparently I was a fairly decent kid and I said nice things to people. I can assure you that it was purely coincidental. What I wish is that someone had told me all those years ago, that people were listening...and watching.

Now...as a "mature" adult...I am very aware of this phenomenon and it makes me watch my P's and Q's most of the time. It makes me pay attention to how I act and the words that come out of my mouth...and from my fingertips. I do my best to make sure that what people see or hear from me, is positive and nothing that will come back to haunt me later on.

Have I always been this way? No. REALLY. No. Do I have regrets? Nope. I own my words and my behavior. Everything we go through brings us to where we are and frankly, I like where I am. If I hadn't done some of the stupid things that I've done, I wouldn't be who I am. I've done some really stupid stuff. Those things have taught me that grace is good and that I should have more of it for others.

I also know that none of us is beyond hope. I'm glad that I had some good people in my life to look up to, who weren't afraid to model good behavior for me. I pray that I will always have the foresight to choose good role models and that I don't wear them down with MY behavior so that they will keep me around. I'm a work in progress and I know that I need to constantly see good so I'll know what it looks like.

Another Driver in the Family

I almost can't believe it, but my baby girl is a licensed driver now!! When it was time for her to get her learner's permit I started getting nervous. My older daughter didn't start driving until she was 20 so having a 16-year-old behind the wheel was a daunting prospect for me. First of all, I'm not the world's most patient person. Unless someone is in labor, I have issues with patience sometimes. (Okay often) Also, her dad makes me look like Mother Teresa in the patience department so the thought of him yelling at her while she was dealing with a huge vehicle sort of put my nerves on edge.

Thank heavens for Barber's Driving School!! My little sister and my older daughter both went through the program there and they both are great drivers. In addition to our patience issues, we were really concerned about the new laws concerning teens getting licensed. We weren't sure that we would be able to comply with all the regulations in order to make her legal. Letting someone else who knows all about it handle all the details was SO much easier. In addition to her getting a great education, her dad is really appreciating the discount he's going to get on his insurance!

When we started this process last February, my daughter and I were both hesitant about her driving. Since she took the class and did her behind the wheel training though, I have been very pleased with how well she has handled driving in all conditions (night, rain, traffic, daylight) and her confidence level has reached an all time high. I could not be more pleased with our experience with Barber's.

Today she took her road test (at Barber's) and passed with no problems. There were a couple of things the evaluator wanted me to watch out with her which we discussed together. After she was done, we took the paperwork to the DMV and filled out one form while we waited for them to take her picture for her new license. The process was painless (except for the tugs on my heartstrings!) and over in less than half an hour.

When we got home, I took the house key off the clip and told her that her brother and I were going to go into the house but that I wanted her to drive around the block....alone. She practically squealed with delight at the thought of finally realizing this dream. So she drove off by herself...my pookie...and she drove around the neighborhood. Twice.

Just a little rant from the peanut gallery...

About this time of year I start to get irritated at the news coverage of flu season. If there is nothing good going on in the news, we have a pandemic. The CDCs website is a wealth of information about everything health related under the sun and I refer to it quite frequently.

Today I was reading the NEW link to information about Vaccine Safety for the Seasonal Influenza Vaccine and this blurb on the page for Febrile Seizures Following Childhood Vaccinations, Including Influenza Vaccination
really just chapped my hide:

About 1 in 3 children who have one febrile seizure will have at least one more febrile seizure during childhood. Most children (greater than 90%) who have a seizure will not develop epilepsy. Genetic predisposition (i.e., family history) and other factors such as cerebral palsy, delayed development, or other neurological abnormalities increase a child’s risk for developing epilepsy after a febrile seizure.

So you mean to tell me that out of 1000 kids who have a febrile seizure, about 300 of them will have another one, and let's say 10% (or 30) of them will develop epilepsy. 30 out of 1000 is not a reassuring number to me. Especially for me (and my kids) since I spent a few years on anti-seizure meds for what may or may not have been epilepsy, for seizures that occurred after each of my well-child visits for shots.

Is it just me or are they really trying to downplay that 3% by saying most WON'T have a problem? In a good sized elementary school that's 3 kids per grade developing problems from seizures. How is that okay?

Lessons From the Little Drummer Boy

One of my dearest friends came to church with me this past Sunday for the first time. I've been telling her about MyChurch since we first started going there (in the tent) two years ago. Having her there meant a lot to me and hopefully it meant a lot to her, too.

Sunday morning at church they took up a special offering. It was a birthday gift to Jesus of sorts and Jeff asked everyone to "give something bigger than you would spend on any one person this year." The first time I heard that request (a few weeks prior) I started to panic a little. I knew that I wasn't giving gifts this year because it just isn't in my budget. What in the heck was I supposed to do for this special offering?

While we were singing the last song (O Come All Ye Faithful) I started tearing up. I knew the box was coming around and I didn't have anything to put in it. Then I heard a voice in my ear saying "Sing louder." Now THAT was a shocker since I'm already sitting in the second row so as not to disturb anyone with my loud singing. Then it hit me...God doesn't just want our money. He wants our best.

The little drummer boy had no gift to bring but he played his drum and the baby smiled. When we give God our talents and our time, we are giving Him a gift offering that goes beyond what money can do. The Lord knows that I don't have a lot to offer financially. I'm pretty sure He designed it this way. Which makes me thankful that He has put me in a church where I can offer what I do have...time. Whether it is going to the church during the week or helping to arrange an event, time is what I have to give.

I like to think that one day I will have more financial resources and be able to give back to this church body that has given so much to me and my family. I just hope that when that day comes, I'll remember the little drummer boy and take the time to play my best for Him. The Lord knows I love smiling babies....

Shutterfly Rocks!!

When my friend Kerri posted on her blog today about Shutterfly giving away 50 Free Holiday Cards to bloggers, I logged into my account for the first time in years. Literally...years. The last pictures that I had uploaded were from Justin's birth and the first year of his life. He is 10 now. Seeing our pictures from New Year's Eve in 1999 really took me back! There is even a picture of my Aunt Dot who passed away a couple of years ago. It is just amazing to see how much the kids have grown and to remember them as babies.

The thing I want to talk about today though, is the Shutterfly Share Site! I clicked on the "Share" button with the intention of getting a URL that I could share on FB but what I stumbled into was much richer and very user friendly! Shutterfly has given us a simple way to create a dynamic, family-themed website with little effort. The options are easy to navigate and putting the site together only takes as long as it takes you to decide which pictures you want to use!

If that weren't enough, I discovered all the add-ons that are built in which make this a PERFECT option for groups or teams to use for sharing information. There are calendars, rosters, even a snack schedule!! The site can be as open or as private as you make it and members can publish their own information or you can reserve those rights for a site administrator. It really is the perfect solution for groups who don't want to invest in a domain name and hosting just for a season.

So thank you, Shutterfly! Thanks for giving me a new toy to play with today! And thank you for bringing a smile to my face as I looked through my old albums and remembered my babies...as babies. So without any further adieu...Welcome to the Wacky World of The Wonderful Wilsons!

Happy Birthday

To all the babies born November 17th, 2010, here is my wish for you...

I hope that you are born to parents who love and want you as much as mine loved and wanted me. Please don't be too hard on them. They are doing their best and sometimes we, the November 17th babies, are a hard bunch to handle. Give them a break and don't lie about not having homework. As stupid as it seems now, it will benefit you down the road. Even algebra. I promise.

I hope that you have a lifetime filled with wonderful friends who are there when things are good and even moreso when things are bad. Don't cut people out of your life without a REALLY good reason. Everyone deserves grace and if you give it to others it will be easier for you to accept it when you need it. Besides, you never know when you're going to run out of gas and need someone to bring you a gas can.

I hope that you learn early on to keep a gas can in your trunk. I'm just saying...

I hope that in third grade you make friends with the person who seems to be the least impressed with you. I promise that they will be the one who will keep you grounded and stick with you through thick and thin. They will hold your hand when you get married and when you have to say goodbye to your parents. They will cry with you over your babies and rejoice with you when you accomplish great things. By the way...you will accomplish great things! I have faith in you!

I hope that you know that you can go out and have a good time without doing stupid things. Getting crazy drunk doesn't make the night more fun...it just makes it harder to remember the fun you DID have. Plus it really sucks the next day! Also, if you're going to indulge, get a designated driver and tell them who specifically you are trying to avoid. Trust me, this will help you later on.

I hope that you become a voracious reader. Books are amazing things that can take you on journeys and expose you to things that your world may not offer you on a daily basis. Read everything you can get your hands on. Even cookbooks. Especially cookbooks. Knowing that "florentine" means "it has spinach in it" has saved me more than once.

I hope that you have beautiful babies of your own one day. Whether you are giving birth to them yourself or supporting your partner while she brings them into the world...Don't be afraid. Birth is amazing and wonderful and an opportunity for you to find out what you're made of and how great a parent you have the potential to become. Don't take that responsibility lightly.

I hope that you find a good church and that you have a good relationship with Christ. He's a pretty awesome guy and He can help you when all else seems lost. BTW...when I say church, I don't mean a building. I mean find yourself a bunch of believers who can help you celebrate life and also be there for you when things are tough and life seems to be crumbling. Nothing can touch the peace that comes from knowing that you are never alone.

I hope that you develop a love of music. Don't complain about Christmas music in October (because it just means that your birthday is right around the corner!) and don't discount any kind of music just because your friends don't like it. There are good and bad songs in every genre. Listen to the lyrics. Listen to the beat. Listen to the melody.

I hope that you know that being "cool" isn't the way to happiness. The cheerleaders are having fun but they are stressed out from all the work of practices and homework. The star of the school play is having fun but she has to worry more about messing up her lines. You don't have to be the star all the time. Be yourself. You are awesome just the way you are! I know this because we have more in common besides just being born on the most amazing day of the year!

Conversation in a Bar

The other night we held my Big Wish Birthday Bash at the Uptown Vault. My actual birthday isn't until the 17th but because of scheduling and all, we decided to celebrate on the 11th. The reason for the Big Wish tag is because if you're one of us who makes a wish at 11:11, you get a BIG wish on 11/11 at 11:11. Combine that with making a birthday wish and you can't get much bigger! My wish was for Hope Harbour to have all the funding and supplies that they need for the coming year. It's a great organization and you should totally check them out.

Now that we have established WHY I was in a bar, let's get on with the conversation. This guy came in who had seen the info for the event on Facebook. (Before Jamie gets all stressed out about me having a stalker I need to point out that it is a very public place and all were welcomed!) We sat there and talked for a while and he told me his opinion on population control. He brought it up because of our discussion about what I do for a living. And I really think that even though he's put a lot of thought into his plan, that there were some serious flaws in his reasoning.

I won't go into details about what he thought but I would like to tell you a little bit about my opinion. I know that a lot of people think that I'm a bleeding heart liberal for believing that we as a society are responsible for each other. I believe that how we treat the least among us says a lot about how we are as a people.

I think that an overlooked step in resolving a lot of our social problems is to find ways to help people take responsibility for themselves and their families. That doesn't mean cutting them off from resources, but the opposite. Give them the tools they need to make wise decisions.

Since my main focus in life is on pregnancy and birth, I have concerns over how the birth industry is run in this country. I think that our "system" makes it too easy for people to hand over responsibility for our families and in some cases, those choices are downright taken away from us. Women aren't able to fully participate in their healthcare decisions because they are fed misinformation by the very people that they hire to take care of them.

Of course I'm an advocate for unmedicated births but not because I want to see women suffer. I think there is a misconception that when I say teen moms for example, should go unmedicated that it is because I think that they should be made to "pay" for what they have done. Nothing could be farther from the truth. When a mom is given full disclosure during her pregnancy and is armed with FACTS, she is able to surround herself with a support team who can help her to achieve a birth in which she is able to fully participate and not just be a bystander while procedures are performed on her body.

That mom is more likely to breastfeed and take more responsibility for her child. Because she is breastfeeding, she becomes the primary caregiver instead of a well-meaning family member who has further stripped her of responsibility and reinforced her self-doubt. Armed with hormones that she is biologically entitled to as a breastfeeding mom, she begins to see herself as a strong woman who is capable of much more than her peers who walk away from serious life choices.

Sadly, it is not only teen moms who make decisions based on misinformation and half-truths. Well educated women are probably even easier for doctors to dupe into medically-managed births based on their fears of what "might" happen. And those women are robbed of the first experience of motherhood on a daily basis.

How do we fix this though? That's the sort of thing that keeps ME up at night. We have to, as a society, demystify childbirth and, yes I'll say it, sex. Open, honest, TRUTHFUL dialog about it so that the stigmas attached to the topics fall away. When our daughters hear us talking about it, let them hear good stories and not horror stories designed to frighten them away from it. Heck when our sons hear stories, let them be good ones so that they will be able to support their partners in childbirth one day!

The couples that I work with are great. They have educated themselves, gone to classes, read books...they are dedicated to achieving positive birth experiences. Our biggest obstacle as a birth team is never the hospital or the care providers. It is always the family members. The fear they bring with them into the room. The myths that they have accepted as facts for generations. The mistrust that they have in the process.

So to the guy I was talking to, and you know who you are, I was not ignoring you or blowing you off. I do have an opinion and a lot of experience to back it up. I may not have been able to articulate what I needed to say to you that evening but I hope that after you read this, you'll understand why it was not something I could shout to you above the din of the karaoke or the smoke from your ciggarettes. And thanks for coming to my party!!